Why you're worth putting in the time
"An Oscar is not the standard," and other ways to reframe imposter syndrome
When I lived in Los Angeles, awards season was an energy. There were special events and screenings and parties, and the city was always buzzing, especially in the week leading up to the Academy Awards.
I actually bumped into Anne Hathaway—literally, we were reaching for arugula out of the same container at the Farmers’ Market—the day before she won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress.
Usually we’d invite friends over and cook and watch the show, and these memories are now part of a ‘that’s not my life anymore’ file that veers into nostalgia every year.
I can’t watch the Academy Awards live anymore because it starts at 8 a.m. EST and well, now that I live on the East Coast, that’s getting dangerously close to my bedtime. But I did spend the following three days afterwards watching the recorded telecast on Hulu while I ate lunch. And friends, I cried. A lot. The heartfelt speeches! The audio engineers and editors and screenwriters being acknowledged for their work! The standing ovations!
One person I adored was Daniel Kwan, co-director of Everything Everywhere All At Once. He won multiple awards and had incredibly relatable things to say whenever he took the stage, much of which can be applied to our writing life.
“I never thought of myself as a storyteller or a screenwriter,” he admitted, along with “my imposter syndrome is at an all-time high.” He thanked his collaborator, Daniel Scheinert, “who told me I was a storyteller before I could even say it to myself.” He also said “this isn’t normal” and "an Oscar is not the standard,” humbly recognizing that as incredible as the honor is, it doesn’t define him, he’s whole without it, and he stands on the shoulders of everyone who came before him.
My takeaway: you’re worthy even if you don’t win an Oscar (most people won’t). You’re worthy if you never make the New York Times Bestseller List (the process is shrouded in mystery anyway). You’re worthy if your book isn’t nominated for The National Book Award (again, most books won’t be). You're worthy if another Submittable rejection slides into your inbox (this happened to me a couple of weeks ago).
You’re worth putting in the time—any amount of time—because you have something necessary to say, and a deep desire to say it.
And you’re worth protecting that time.
In a 2019 issue of Poets & Writers, poet Camille T. Dungy wrote an article called “Say Yes to Yourself,” where she explored the conundrum of finding time to write.
“My husband gave me a little notebook. Tiny. It fits in the pencil bag I use as my wallet. In the tiny little notebook I took tiny little notes. At first, I set my Fitbit to buzz once an hour and I had to stop for one minute and write. One minute, folks. You can do anything for one minute!”
She eventually worked up to longer stretches of time (like eight minutes).
“You have to make time to write. No one else but you can give you that time, and it’s possible you will have to go to some lengths to access the time and take it. When you find time, protect it.”
I’m entering another planned liminal season this month with my son on his four-week school break. To prepare for having less creative time available, I’ve scheduled things in advance (including podcast episodes, Instagram posts, and this newsletter) and am planning to focus less on creation and more on consumption. Really hoping I can put a bit of a dent in my TBR pile and spend a little time in the hammock, we’ll see!
GOOD THINGS
Reading
—Two books that have recently made me feel incredibly seen and supported: I started with a library copy of The Perfectionist’s Guide to Losing Control and promptly ordered my own to underline. And I’ll probably have a lot more to say about Mara Glatzel’s essential book, Needy, down the road. Right now I’m savoring every page and working through the journaling prompts at my own pace.
—A walk in Keats’s footsteps.
—What’s your neglected sense? (My quiz results surprised me.)
Listening
—Katherine Morgan Schafler talking perfectionism on the How to Be Human podcast.
—Why we need to practice self-compassion with Kristin Neff.
—Finding enchantment in exhaustion.
Nicole Gulotta is the author of WILD WORDS and the literary cookbook EAT THIS POEM. She helps sensitive writers embrace the season they're in, create at their own pace, and care for their minds and bodies along the way. For more, grab your headphones and listen to the Wild Words podcast on iTunes or Spotify.